Scarlexit from FanFiction.Net

I’m hoping writing this will be cleansing for me. There are a lot of things I need to get off my chest. Apologies for the random gifs – they serve a dual purpose: to add levity and cheer me up.

Dear Readers…

First, I want to thank everyone who has been reading, leaving kudos and commenting on ‘From Shadows to Stars’ on Archive of Our Own. I’m incredibly thankful those among you who have done so for each addition to the series. I have been, am and continue to be very, very grateful.

Second, please be assured that this isn’t an ‘abandon ship’ author’s note. I want to say that before I go on because I know these types of update tend to get readers worried.

I will continue to write the ‘From Shadows to Stars’ series actively. I have a large chunk of the aforementioned unpublished content still to go, and that has been the case since Day 1. For example, the first part of ‘Entanglement’ “Song of the Wyvern”, which I published last Sunday (13/12), I first drafted in November 2019.  Besides, should the day come where I’ve had enough, I will 1.) release all the unpublished content and 2.) tell you the outline of everything unwritten, so you at least know what would have happened. I have both, and it would be no skin off my nose to do. But that’s not happening today so, no worries on that front.

So, what’s going on?

Despite all of the above, I have become incredibly demotivated recently.

One of the reasons for this is my real-life work. Throughout the numerous lockdowns and restrictions, I work in a role that I thankfully can do from home. In the run-up to the winter break, though, it has become busy. As a result, I simply do not have the energy I thought I would in the evenings to do any writing, on this or any other project.

I had hoped to not only complete ‘Entanglement’ but also post the first part on ‘Eye of the Storm’, the long-awaited Dimitri POV. Unfortunately, I just don’t see that happening. I will do my best to at least get the next part of ‘Entanglement’ out this weekend, but it won’t be the whole thing like I initially promised.

There is another reason why my confidence and motivation has taken a hit. It may sound silly to some when they hear why, but I’ll just put it out there.

I have been receiving a decent number of hurtful comments (or ‘reviews’) from anonymous people (i.e. Guests) via the Fanfiction.Net upload of ‘From Shadows to Stars’. 

Yes, I know – ‘who goes to FF.Net?’ right?

Thing is that my account there is very, very old. It’s old enough to be a junior in high school, old. I have been around a long time. So, I crosspost there as a legacy thing more than out of love for the site. However, because of the above, I’ve come to realise it isn’t worth it.

Given the subject matter of ‘From Shadows to Stars’, I always accepted that it would attract negative attention due to the content. While I always try to include a disclaimer advising against reading if the subject matter bothers them, some people just… can’t resist, I suppose. 

Unfortunately, not all over them have not been merely about the topic – they’ve just been comments on my writing, or me as a person for writing it. This isn’t a recent development – it’s been going on and off since the series’s inception, but it’s become more the norm.

It usually doesn’t bother me. I’ve even found some of these ‘reviews’ funny. Haters gonna hate, and all that. Given that I moderate anonymous ‘reviews’ as a rule on FanFiction.Net, I know can just delete them.

But I still have to read them, obviously, and with everything else going on — goodness it is tiring. 

I’m getting comments telling me I’m a “f***ed-up” person for writing about infidelity, or that my writing is “crappy” and “terrible” for the same reason. There’s only so much I can take before it starts to get annoying and, yes, demotivating. Furthermore, I tackle complicated subjects, I’m trying to push myself and to write something that is outside my comfort zone. I don’t think I should need to explain that because I write something in a fictional story doesn’t mean I condone the action in real life. 

As for the comments on my writing – I just don’t know what to say. Of course, there will be people who disagree with how I interpret certain characters or just don’t like my writing style. But I like to put a lot of thought into my work and I hope the people read this series or anything else I write can see that I really, really do try my best to produce something good.

I realise that my writing likely isn’t the issue these ‘reviewers’ have with me – they don’t like the subject matter and want me to know about it. However, I just don’t have the patience for personal attacks anymore. Life’s too short to moderate reviews on a website I don’t even go to anymore, except to post.

I’m at that point where I (almost) dread getting alerts because I think, “Oh crap, is this going to be another one?”

So, I made a decision: I have already deleted ‘From Shadows to Stars’ from FF.Net. For those of you who might have been reading on both platforms (I recognise some usernames), I want to once again reassure you that it is only on FF.Net that the fic will be deleted – AO3 will be my fanworks ‘forever home’ now.

Over the next few weeks, I will also begin the process of moving all my older work from FanFiction.Net to archive on AO3 and here on my person webpage.

It’s my Scarlexit from FanFiction.Net.

I have been thinking about doing this for a very long time. I have no genuine attachment to the site anymore and, frankly, crossposting there is becoming more and more of a chore. It is sad because it’s where I got my start writing (bad) fanfiction as a little kid who was totally 13 years old *winkwink* a very, very long time ago, but I feel happier closing that long-lost part of my life than propping up its corpse.

Once everything is set-up here, I’ll keep some stuff tied to my username, but most I’ll probably orphan. I’ll be trying to get all of this done in my spare time, and it will mean my archive of work on AO3 will suddenly inflate.

My back-catalogue is over 10 years old, after all.

I hope doing this will be as cathartic as writing all of this out has been.

Conclusion

I’m fine and will continue to write what I want.

While the comments were upsetting, there is a silver lining. To take my mind off it all, I’m happy to say that the ‘angst’ spurred me to write an extra 500 words I otherwise wouldn’t have managed, and edit a very tricky part of ‘Entanglement’. 

I have also finally decided to revamp my old WordPress blog in earnest to make it a secondary archive for my original work so – yay!

So, hopefully, all that ails me will be resolved soon.

TL;DR

• ‘From Shadows to Stars’ is still continuing on AO3 and here on Scarlettpeony-Writes.
• However, I have removed it from FanFiction.Net due to unpleasant comments and general disenfranchisement with the platform. 
• Eventually, all my other previous, old works will be archived here on AO3 and my FF.Net will be abandoned. As a result, a lot of my older stuff will be archived here so apologies for the oncoming flurry of activity.
• I have channelled all my angst into the latest update for ‘From Shadows to Stars’ as well as a few of my other fandom and original projects.